All I want to do is shoot you and take your money.

                                

That video absolutely made my day today. 

I've been trying to update this thing for like 16 years now and it's just not coming to me.  I spent the day cleaning like somebody I didn't know was coming over.  Then  I watched the Great Debaters (great movie!) and went a little more crazy about having to go into work again next week.  I guess I feel like I've sold myself out.  But I need the money--mainly to finish renovating my house.  And for vacations.  Mmm...I'd like to get my car detailed as well.  And update my winter clothing, get some of my work framed, buy more furniture. And shoes. Camera lenses...

...yea. I guess I need to be realistic.  But it still feels wrong.

Sometimes I just really wish I could get shipwrecked on some random island Blue Lagoon-style.  Just me, my tanned-ass man, some leaves and some fire.  Laying in the sun all day, keeping my skin a rich brown.  Hair all over the place. Getting crazzzzyyyyyyyy elevated.  As in engaging in deep conversation, of course (wink).  Wonderful weather. The only goal here is to stay alive. Supreme relaxation.  

Except when it would come to having to catch whatever I was going to eat--that would be a huge headache.  Lord knows I'm not eating nothing that just came out the bushes.  I get horrified when I'm eating chicken and the bone is broken.  I'm to the point where I don't even separate the wing from the leg. I can't even put my mind in that space. 

I'm also definitely the person who (back when I used to eat them) would use a measuring cup to measure exactly 2 cups of water to put in the ramen noodles.  Okay.  So it wouldn't be no..."let me just throw something together right quick"...no. When it comes to I don't know...catching a fish and then grilling it over the fire...yea, that's a stretch.  I'd probably die of starvation trying to live on coconut water.  I'd last a solid week. So maybe that wasn't exactly how it plays over in my head.  That'd be a helluva week though.  But you get my drift.

In 2008, there's just so much that needs to be tried before I get a certain age.  It's an everyday race.  It's like I don't want to be old having kids.  But I also, don't want kids right now.  I want to have my own money before I get married, but if I do that I'll once again be old and having kids.  I want to have a family, but I don't want to procreate with these nutty fools.  I want to still have fun and relax the whole time.  I want to travel everywhere.  I have to meet the right people.  I have to keep growing and learning.  For some reason, I always want to have the freedom to up and move away at any given moment.  I wanna do what I want, but then I want to have a man.  I don't want to get stuck in any one place for too long with a whole lot of nothing happening.  Then your friends got problems too, so you can't really bother them with all this crap.  Then they need your help too.  On top of that, I have to brainstorm something crazy on how I'm actually going to get the money in the first place.  And you just know if you get past those obstacles, your family is gonna come outta no where with some wild drama that you just really want to pretend isn't happening.  It's too much.  People are crazy, son. The task is too daunting!!!  JOB OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And y'all already KNOW what time it is when it comes to me working in the first place.  Strong aversion.  There's no happy middle here.  I have to go hard or not go at all.

This is how people become certifiable.  Too many jobs.

So...I say all this to say...I really don't know how I'm going to do it all and maintain a 9-5.  It's going to be a pure act of God.